If I ever end up in hell, my eternal punishment will be moving house from one side of hell to the other. Through congested traffic so every drive takes 3 times longer. And then I get a flat tire when I have moved all my tools to the other house.
To furnish the house with everything we were missing, moving back and forth the 1 hr drive each way and takeout food for the week because no way I was cooking, came to *shudder* $6412.13.
I never knew beds could be so expensive. Then you have to mattresses on them? I wasn't born yesterday snake oil salesmen.
To say I feel dirty is an understatement. I knew this was coming for months but I still wasn't prepared for it deep down inside.
I adjusted my side bar, a bit depressing. The only consolation I can draw from is we are having some phenomenal business across the ledger and we could possibly be looking at a new greatest monthly income in July or very close to it. So that money will offset anything we have had to spend. But still Ouch.
I blush just reading the number.
The only ray of light in my darkest week was my wife got me a new GoPro camera for making videos.
Fun fact, when you have food in the house you crave take out, when you only have take out you crave anything homemade.
It will take months of retraining to stop my flinching reflex every time I open my wallet. One day at a time.
Viewing the 'Budgeting' Category
If I ever end up in hell, my eternal punishment will be moving house from one side of hell to the other. Through congested traffic so every drive takes 3 times longer. And then I get a flat tire when I have moved all my tools to the other house.
I was assaulted.
Brutalised even. Dubious consent. Taken against my will.
By the exchange rate.
What was meant to be $53 417.38 turned out to be $51 760.05.
I probably sound like the princess and the pea complaining but when you consider that just a $0.02 cent shift in the exchange rate took $1657.33 out of my pocket, that is fiscal rape.
Felt like a baller walking into the local credit union. Cue Michael Jacksons "beat it" as I walk up to the deposit desk. "Bank it" with a cool NON-conformist nod of my head.
No. . . . The reality is I stood in line till my number was called, but it was almost as cool, My kids screaming and arguing at the token toy box was close enough to the "beat it" theme, the tellers didn't need to say it but we all silently acknowledge that was the mood. Some things are better felt then said.
What else? Took delivery of our new place. As soon as I got the keys I walked in and cast myself to the floor and did space angels, simular to snow angels but done with empty space.
Its three levels and one level is almost double our current apartment. Imagine a reverse TARDIS. A place smaller on the inside then the outside. If we paint the walls we lose square footage.
Thinking of doing my pilot license. Not sure I would ever trust myself to put my whole family in the same aircraft I'm piloting but there's a flight school almost around the corner from our new place.
With the amount of work we are doing of late we are looking at $16 300 for May end and $23 000.00 for June end pushing savings out to 205 300 ish. So close to our goal for the year.
In fact, my accountant, a dashing, smart, handsome man (me, if you couldn't tell), running forecasts with cautious numbers across the accounts could see us finishing the year close to $330 000.00 pending meteor strike or debilitating disaster.
Met a young guy out while being sociable in Vancouver and he said he was an actor, I took little interest as I didn't recognise him. Just about everyone you meet in Vancouver tells you they are an actor, and by actor they mean their foot was an extra in a crowd in a deleted scene in a strait to DVD movie. Turns out he has been in movies with Dwayne Johnson and he is in the movie 'Tomorrow Land' with George Clooney. I will be seeing him again at the same social function in coming weeks so I want to get some cool crazy stalker fan/diva star stories out of him, you know, the typical shrines made out of your hair and people stealing your shoes under restroom doors stuff.
I'm sure that's what really goes on.
What to update?
Got a random partial invoice dividend come in early. $ 11 503.68 on the 23rd.
That happens never, as in not once ever since being self-employed has someone paid early.
Sometimes you have to threaten kidnapping of loved ones, burning of primary residences and the occasional of drive by shooting to get people to pay at ALL, but EARLY???
Pfft. I feel as if I cannot depend on the world for anything real or certain anymore.
Bought a new paintball gun. I have had a hard on for this one for so long now that I finally decided to pull the trigger (Master of bad puns!!) and shell out (boom again!!) some serious coin ($661.00) for it.
Get home and BAM, broken. Are you kidding me!
Irony is these guns are famous for their quality. So another hour and a half back to the store. Looks like a genuine manufacturing mistake so I let the proprietor out of doing an honourable suicide. Finally got it home with its real family 3 days later.
The exchange rate has shifted the last couple of days in the wrong direction. So our massive record month will probably be reduced to somewhere in the mid $52 500.00. Still our best.
Used our bank interest to buy some silver ounces and an ounce of gold.
Will do this once month with every interest payment.
I feel like Scrooge McDuck now, miserly gloating over my horde of precious metals. I can see how it corrupts the soul and leads to world domination.
Injured my back last week picking my wife up over my head and throwing her onto a bunk bed for some heinous slanderous comments she threw my way. So ironically I end up partially disabled at her mercy. She was not kind. (Note* When healed punish her by throwing onto top bunk again*)
Feel well enough today to get back to the gym and test the muscle is properly healed.
Bank are behaving and not touching my money anymore. (Note *Cancel the arson attacks*).
Getting ready to move.
Have lots of expenses coming up this month and next due to the move and deposits and some importing I have to do. The end result could be as much as an extra 3k hit to the expenses column.
It will feel infinitely better to be in the new place so it will feel worth it.
With the current rate of income being generated we are looking to hit over 200k Cash by the end of June. A huge turnaround from having just $800.00 2 years ago.
We aren't letting go of the lessons we learned from being cash strapped though and seeing a lot of people we are close to go through their own financial apocalypses we are remembering not to spend. Making hay while the sun shines so to speak as no good thing lasts forever.
Good bye soul sucking neighbour in 1 more week.
We live in a tiny 600 sq. ft. 2 bed apartment. We rent it off some friends we made the last time we were in the country. It was only ever temporary while we found something more in line with what we wanted.
But we got so caught up in work and life that we have been here almost 6 months. Kids have gone stir crazy in such a tiny place.
Well finally last week we saw a fantastic 4 bedroom 3 bathroom 3 level town house. And the price was perfect at $1300.00 for the month.
We won't know what to do with the space lol. Additionally it has a huge private garage under the house for my big truck. Will be nice to get it off the street and out of the rain.
While paying $835.00 a month including everything allowed us to really bank some money this new place will only raise our total monthly expenses from $2200.00 to $2850.00.
Additionally as we get closer to the 28th we have realised our months' income has climbed from $51 790.00 to $53 417.38. So even though I am going to be paying double rent next month to allow us to move without rushing we will still get to bank into savings $49 732.38 bringing the total to $173 372.27.This includes the $77.22 interest we will get for the month.
Next months (may 28th ) earnings are roughly around $20 000.00 but this again could rise with some late invoices coming in. will know more on the 16th. Looking to destroy our goal for savings for the year.
Good bye devil screaming neighbour!
Have lots to do in the coming months. Have to get the whole tribe to the dentist at some point and I'm pretty sure my out of country driver's license is no longer good so I need to apply for the relevant state one.
Plus my son wants to start Karate or boxing which will be great for him and I will put little miss into ballet, she loves twirling like a princess.
I would love to take the family on a big road trip to Vancouver Island for a couple weeks during the summer but we have such a brutal work schedule until December I'm not sure it's on the cards this year. We might have to be all business until December and look at planning for big trip for next summer.
Good bye evil laundry rule breaking neighbour!
Banking VENT be warned.
I love banking, it's like sport to me.
My biggest fear is identity theft. Two reasons is its extremely easy for the seasoned practitioners to do and it is so devastating financially.
I unfortunately have seen it done.
I organise my bank accounts like a maze.
I have my landing account, which is where my international transactions land. This bank is fully aware and versed in my business so I never have any money laundering or suspicious activity holds on my accounts.
This account has one card and no online access and can be only accessed in branch. All transfers from this account are done with bank cheques because I can draw unlimited for free.
Then I hold a separate bank account for my every day chequing with a separate bank. This account hold my monthly living money like 4 weeks food, gas, spending and rent. I have two cards (my wife and me) and internet banking on this account.
Then I have my cash saving accounts at different banks again. These accounts have one card access (which lives in a lockbox in the safe), no online access, no phone access and I only ever access them one day a month to deposit a bank cheque from my landing account.
The main security is ALL accounts require both my wife and I be there for anything over $5000.00
and it's in branch access only, with passport and DL id only.
Some would say excessive but when you speak with someone who has had their credit ruined by identity theft you can never be too cautious.
The two main things an identity thief needs are as much information about you as they can get and a lazy call centre employee.
They will call right before lunch or at closing on Fridays. Every time they hear no, they hang up and call back and get someone new. They play the odds and 9/10 times they will get a credit card in your name or a loan approved or a cash transfer.
I get no paper statements mailed out ever and everything we have is in a document safe, in the house safe.
Every account has Strict notes added that no additional cards or services can be opened without both of us present, in branch with the required ID.
Additionally nobody knows who we bank with, what accounts we hold or how much is in them.
I think I can count on one hand people who know I'm 29 years old and not born in this country.
We once lived in a huge apartment building and it had big communal rubbish bins. People would just chuck bank statements, recipes, pay slips, everything in these bins where anyone could scrounge them up.
My system isn't perfect or bullet proof but it certainly makes it that much harder to get at my money or my credit.
But my banks have been terrible lately, despite banking at various different banks they all pull the same revenue raising tricks.
I maintain certain balances in which ever account I hold to get unlimited free transactions and NO monthly fees. Basically all my banking is free, just the way I like it
I logged in and see a completely new account opened and its $5.00 in the negative.
Explanation: This was a free account that came bundled with your original service that we have changed to a $5.00 a month fee.
My response "Can you show me where you adequately advised me your product was changing and if I wished to continue to hold it?"
"Nobody was advised of the change because the product didn't change just the fee that was traditionally waived with your minimum balance is now not waived"
"I would like you to reverse the fee and close that account"
"we cannot do that, if you want me to close the account I will have to pay the arrears out of your other account"
"fine, if you are not going to forgive the fee you can close the my other account and I will just simply bank with someone else who won't pull this shit" She went and spoke with her manager and returned and said no problem, that she would waive the fee and close the account.
No problem. Wrong.
Get home and log in to see she took the $5.00 out of my normal account.
Go back to bank and get the $5.00 returned to my original account.
Go home and find they put the $5.00 back into my account but charged me a $2.51 "fee" for reversing the charge.
At this point my diplomacy is evaporating. I ask to speak with the branch manager. I tell her I want the same balance my week started with and if this shit doesn't stop I will close my account immediately.
Of course it's all been just a big "mistake" and it's easy to reverse.
When I mentioned all the driving around to some people we know they said it was only $5.00/$2.51 why did I bother.
I suspect that's what the banks count on. $5.00 here and there x 20 000 people is a nice little stack of money.
We work very hard for our income and we assume enormous amounts of risk to get it. That is my money. They have literally put their fingers in my pocket and helped themselves to money they have not done anything to earn.do they help me pay the bills when it comes time?
In a reverse complaint we have started receiving interest payments from a Credit union we hold money with and it's now up to around $120.00 a month and will climb to $250.00 a month by the end of the year.
I had no idea this money was there until they mailed a statement to my address (again something I have made every effort to stop).
I have decided to plough it back into CU equity shares. One reason is I can redeem them at any time for the exact price I paid and secondly I get a decent dividend with the lowest risk and the money is basically free.
I will ask next month when I am in there what last year's dividend payout was.
Payday, most hallowed of days.
The day when we feel the fields are bountiful with harvest, the milk rich with fat and cheese aged to perfection.
In reality is everything we have waited all month to buy suddenly goes off special, fuel jumps up 8 cents and the miserable battle axe at the customer service desk won't give you a rain check for the catalogue special. But you don't care, because you have money, and money makes everything better!
I survived the remainder of the month; my neighbour is determined to drive my family to murder through the time honoured tradition of screeching at her children before 7 am, waking us all.
We live in 600 sq. feet unit so to lose the ability to sleep in one room is like halving the domestic fortress.
The land lord issued her another 'shut yo face' letter but I suspect she files these under progress reports more than as 'threats to tenancy'.
She laughs in the face of laundry ordinances requiring that the massive drier beside our main room is not used after 8pm. It's not uncommon to hear it going at 11.30pm. Some people just want to watch the world burn.
I have confirmed an earlier belief I have dual super powers. First is to receive discounts at lunch shops. Despite the frequency of my patronage, and second is to attract bad neighbours. In this I have no equal. It's not so much the quantity I have had, as it's only been a few over the years, but it's the quality of each one.
They seem to be more pure and evil as I go, so I suspect with each house move I am moving closer to the source of evil neighbours. Watch this space for updates when I move in next to Lucifer. At the current progress it should only be another one or two moves.
Pay was a fraction under estimate. I blame today's rallying of the market (Completely unrelated, but its giving my shorted positions a beating so I BLAME IT)
March Income/April Expenses
$ 11 145.62
$ 1178.87 March Spending
$ 400.00 April spending
$ 835.00 April rent
$ 800.00 April food
$ 200.00 Gas
$ 7731.75 Savings March
Bring new savings to $ 123 500.85. Just under what we estimated.
Next months income will come very close to $51 790.00 for April. Our biggest month ever and new record. Additionally the charter expenses I have coming in next month are $ 723.90.
So our expenses will be under $3k and should the month after finally be back down to around $2200.00.
Of course pending having to hire a hit man to wack my neighbour. I imagine they do that sort of thing for a discount as its 'technically' a public service.
Pre-payday, My second favourite day of the month.
It has been a quiet month thus far. I'm probably flirting with the mistress of chaos by saying that.
By flirting I mean waving the red flag of unrepentant destruction.
But I will cross that bridge when I get to it.
DS nailed his alphabet perfectly so we spent $80.00 for the day at the amusement park. We did laser maze, shooting gallery and I remain undefeated in air hockey. Kids had a great time.
Wife had her birthday. We had a nice restaurant meal, I turned her loose in a book store and Ice cream cake!!
Unfortunately ran low on supplements for the gym so had to buy some more, and not the cheap ones.
Got kid's clothes and shoes for the warmer weather and they keep growing.
My truck need some repairs and I needed a few things from the auto store to aid in the repairs.
I knew march's spending would be up but it was up more than I liked.
I like expenses between $2000.00 and $2500.00 but march/April expenses are going to end up around $3413.00. So two very bad months back to back.
*Banker shudder* I now lay awake at night questioning my self.
"do I control expenses or am I merely a puppet doing their bidding?"
THEN next month I have some Government charter licenses due. Out as quick as it comes in.
Income for March 28 = $ 11 200.00
$ 835.00 Rent
$ 800.00 Food
$ 200.00 Gas
$ 400.00 Spending April
$ 1178.87 March costs ( kids clothes/shoes, gym supplements, wife birthday, amusement park, truck repairs)
$ 7786.13 Savings March/April
New total savings will be $ 123 555.23.
I have resorted to those reassuringly vague answers when my wife asks about spending.
how are we doing?
and for when she is suspiciously persistent
"so good you should get some chocolate"
If I suddenly stop updating its because I have fled to Nigeria to live my life in financial obscurity and work as an email consultant linking long lost relatives to red tape ensnared fortunes.
So got paid today. I thought my bank was going to lock my account for checking too many times.
$30 407.77. It was more than we estimated but with the $877.92 over spend from last month that money came out of our pocket. Grrrr.
Additionally we needed to purchase a new Printer for the home office. So that was an additional $122.34 out of pocket and we stopped at Borders and picked up some learning books for DS and DD so that was $69.56.
February pay/March expenses.
Income = $30 407.77
$ 835.00 Rent
$ 1000.00 Food
$ 250.00 Gas
$ 100.00 Wife B/day meal
$ 877.92 February overspend/Zero Accounts
$ 2300.00 Shipping
$ 291.90 Spending ($ 100.00 general)($ 69.56 Learning books)($ 122.34 New printer)
$ 24 752.95 Savings
So our total savings now equals $115 769.10. $ 384.18 Less than we thought.
Not a big deal though because some easy consults came in pushing April's income possibly out to $44 000.00, more than making up the additional costs.
So expenses wise it's our biggest month in two years by almost double. I think I blew an OCD banker fuse and have gone into a dazed acceptance state. If I don't dwell on it I can't get annoyed lol.
In other news I suspect our bank has been sending statements to our address but the other tenants have been keeping the mail and opening it.
My wife and I are going down to the bank tomorrow morning to check if any statements have been mailed here. Nosey busy bodies.
The biggest news of the month is we're in some negotiations with a possible new fund that may add 20 - 40% more income into our pockets. It will be sporadic but any extra dollar is welcome.
Its early days yet and we are still working through the due diligence necessities but there's a good faith trial from the 5th to the end of this month. It will give us some numbers we can forecast with.
DS has almost finished learning his alphabet and sounds. I promised him when he can do all his flash cards without missing one he can go to the amusement park for the day. I'm excited to teach him to start reading.
5 weeks 5 days till Game of Thrones!!! !
Not much going on.
I took a beating like a rented mule on my trading.
I was up $300.00 dollars trading amazon shares on Friday. My wife was down trading google and AIG.
I was pretty smug in our little monthly competition.
I even recall offering her some advice, being the obvious pro that I was. I told her to stay away from Facebook and short some oil.
I'm still not entirely clear on how it went down but I'm now -$400 in the hole with Facebook and my wife is up $200.00 with oil. The explanation is simple, Magic.
Went to a home show as an invitation from some friends. We weren't really interested but accepted out of politeness.
Snake oil salesmen convincing me I never really cleaned anything properly before without 'stupendo-sponge'. It was relentless. And the most cunning ones give free stuff to your kids while they badger you for a sale.
I massively under budgeted last month so I have had to spend $877.92 to zero out the month. Ouch my biggest shortfall in . . Since I started.
The corrupt accountant in me will have to bury that figure somewhere deep in the 88888 account.
Too big to fail is my motto.
As household Banker it's my job to forecast the next month's expenses. However I have a cheap acrylic ball instead of crystal so it can be a bit blurry at the best of times.
We have had to terminate our longest family relationship this month. It was on rocky ground since we moved away about a year ago when we started our fund but it all came to head this month when I refused to pay for a joint expense that had been incurred solely because of them.
They retorted that I should pay because I could 'afford' it.
Anyone who presumes to spend money on my behalf because they assume I can afford it is in for a short sharp rude shock.
So now they are left holding an expense that, had they known they would have to pay for, would not have run it up. Irony.
It's been very ugly but I realise it's better to see what people are really like now than later when they can cost you some serious money.
Invoices for 28th March = $11 000.00 Approx.
Invoices for 28th April = $ 41 000.00 Approx.
Currently working on May's workload now, shaping up to be a decent month.
Can't wait to get paid on the 28th so I can finalise March's budget.
Payday. . . . . . Nearly. Family Banker hat on.
We get paid on the 28th-31st of each month.
However income invoices are confirmed on the 13th-15th of each month. So we know 2 weeks before hand what we going to be paid at the end. This is when I do my initial budgeting.
As I mentioned earlier my costs for March are going to be around double what they normally should be($2500.00 normally). Which is of course disappointing, but it is a onetime cost, so I will suck it up and pay.
Income can vary up to a couple hundred dollars each way from the quote to payday because of currency exchange fluctuations over the two weeks. At the moment with strong US dollar we make out like bandits on the exchange.
And March for me is a 5 week month. Not on the calendar but just the way we get paid internationally it's a 5 week month for expenses and what not, starting 2.25.15 - 3.31.15
February 28th Net income $30 100.00.
Monthly Expenses as follows:
Rent $ 835.00
Food $ 1000.00
Gas $ 250.00
Gym $ 81.80
Clothes $ 173.81
Shipping $ 2350.00
Wife Bday $ 180.00
Valentines meal $ 116.92
February Savings $ 25 192.47
Total savings for February 28th = $ 116 128.62
Would have been nice to put the extra $2500.00 into savings but my wife constantly reminds me not to be cheap and should live a little. And she is right. She after all makes the money.
We went out for our family valentine's restaurant meal today and it was great. Kids had a huge meal and were so stuffed they just came home and watched harry potter.
My wife Bday is the 13th and she insists she only wants to buy a slew of her favourite books so she can see the Savings grow.
I had a nice watch picked out, she admires my own 1963 bulova space view watch, and I had found a great one for $2200.00 but she wants to hold off and get it for xmas if we hit our savings goal for the year.
Have begun to teach my wife day trading. We shorted a couple small trades and in the half hour we set aside to teach her we made $60.47 on Facebook's fluctuations with a $9900.00 position for 10 minutes.
She gets the Idea behind it.
The saddest fact about no spend days is usually, straight after, I have a big spend day to catch up whatever I missed by having a no spend day.
I survived my harrowing brush with the Nile River virus, due entirely to my own efforts as residential healthcare is not what it's cracked up to be in premarital propaganda.
My welfare seemed of little concern, because as soon as I presented for roll call I was immediately put to work. No light duties, no return to work program, just my wallet, my keys and a list.
So 2 days before I am even supposed to spend any money on food Bam! $123.30 gone.
As well as the expenses for next month just keeps growing and growing.
I will concede however that $20.00 of the money spent was to celebrate my DW hitting a huge milestone in her business. So at 1 am my Advil soaked brain got behind the wheel and through codeine enhanced instincts made it to MacDonald's drive through and we celebrated with a meal each.
Huge spenders. It's almost paradoxical, celebrating a huge income milestone by buying a burger combo each.
When you're young you think about your future as living in big mansions and driving the very best luxury cars, what you don't dream about is rolling your car down the road in neutral before starting it so you can enjoy a guilt free, stealthily unwrapped meal without waking kids.
Hitting $91 016.15 savings was such a huge goal for us; I refuse to drop below 91k. So when I checked the bank today our gym memberships had been withdrawn for the month.
But so pure is my denial I simply won't record the expense until after the 28th when we get paid.
By lying to myself through creative accounting I am preserving the 91k. It's perfect.
My wife assures me I'm the only person sad enough to deceive himself on his own domestic accounting.
I will point out that she is not a qualified accountant either.
If it was good enough for ENRON, its good enough for me.
No spend Day.
However I cannot claim all the credit. I have been so sick, had I attempted to get in the car and go purchase goods I would have invariably passed out at the wheel and peacefully taken my family and whoever I collided with to the never never.
The last two weeks everyone has been sick. I put my immunity down to my obviously superior genetics and gym hardened immune system.
But just as everyone else gets better I am struck down with a worse, much fiercer strain of the sickness.
I know this by the fact nobody complained as much as I am driven to in the interest of community awareness.
Despite my protests to the contrary my unsympathetic wife maintains I have what everyone else did and I'm relocated to the children's bedroom so my updates ('complaining' is her word) don’t disturb the whole domicile.
I will take this moment to point out that she is not a doctor, nor a nurse, therefor unqualified to diagnose my condition with such broad and minimalizing statements as "you do not have Nile river virus".
Monthly food budget was
- $ 156.05 week 1
-$ 167.05 this week
= $301.10 left till the 24.2.15
We had the last of yesterday's lamb leg roast today with sandwiches. The kids appetites are finally back and they ate most of the meat themselves.
I however courageously showed restraint and subsidised my meal with Lindt chocolate.
I usually get a small bag for the week for $5.48. However some friends of the family are going on a diet so they gave me the remainder of this huge Lindt bag they got for xmas. Must have been close to $20.00 of chocolate. Free chocolate, any galaxy = WIN!
February payday is on the 28.2.15
Expecting a great pay but we have some big expenses this month.
A once off shipping cost has come in at approx. $2500.
Wife birthday - ??????
DS birthday = day out. Mini golf, go karts, arcade games and junk food.
So these expenses will reduce what we are planning to tuck away but they are unavoidable and necessary.
DD has not taken yet to toilet training. Much smarter than DS. Is aware of idle threats and blackmailing. Will need to back pressure off and formulate new incentive.